Tonight I am going to go see Prince perform, and I am really excited about the show. Unfortunately, something has come up which has diminished my enthusiasm considerably.
I got the tickets this weekend, and on Sunday invited a close friend of mine to come with. I really want to do something special for him to celebrate his graduation. However, lately, he's been less than reliable about meeting up or following through on plans. He told me he was really excited about going to see the concert, and would call me on Monday to make plans about when and where to meet. Monday, no call. Tuesday, no call, even after I called and left some messages.
Starting to worry about getting flaked on again, I spoke with another friend who was more than enthusiastic about going to the concert but didn't have a ticket. I explained the situation to her, and she said that she understood the situation and would love to go with me if my original plans fell through. I told her if I didn't hear back by 10AM or so Wed, I would call her and let her know that she was going.
So Wednesday AM passes, and no call, so I called her and told her that she was going to the show. The rest of the morning passes with no call. I go out to a business lunch, when I finally get a call from someone else (at 1:30, 6 hrs before the concert starts), for him, to ask where and when he should meet me for the show-- apparently he was at a number where he couldn't call me directly, or something like that. I didn't get the full explanation. I explained that I was going to take someone else at this point, and asked that he call me directly so I could explain it to him.
Finally, he calls (still during my business lunch) and I explained to him that I was expecting him to call on Monday to make plans. I didn't want to get caught with no one to go with, and because he has been less than reliable lately, I told him I invited someone else. He seemed pretty hurt by this, brusquely told me he would call me sometime, maybe, and hung up without saying good bye.
So now, I feel badly for letting him down on something he was excited about. And, even if I change my mind, I have no way of getting in touch with him right now to re-invite him. On top of that, I feel let down that he didn't call sooner, when he said he would. I know everyone's life is complicated, and his is no exception, but for an important event like this, with someone as special to him as he claims I am, I don't think it's unreasonable to have expected him to be in contact sooner to confirm our plans.
But, of course, with any decision like this, I am wracked with self-doubt that I didn't give him enough time to get in touch with me, or that it was unkind to take someone else, or any of a million other reasons to doubt my choice. I think I made the right choice; I don't think it is very respectful or considerate to leave someone hanging on plans 2 days after promising to call. But that doesn't make me feel any better about this situation, or his disappointment about not going to the concert.
I really hope I didn't just fuck up a good friendship unnecessarily.
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Adam |
2 Jun 04