Well, I have become one of them. I have cut all ties to AT&C or SB&T or whatever the hell they are pretending to be now. My landline- gone. My DSL- no more. In their place, I have my untethered cellphone (same number as always, fret not) and cable broadband (4x faster). No longer will I pay a monthly fee so that telemarketers can call me and waste my time, nor will I have to have any further interaction with the clumsily recently rebranded telco-glot-opoly. But, for a last communiqe, this one was a doozy.

I especially applaud their ploy to drive me off for good by making me wait on hold for thirty minutes after first speaking with me, until I reached some guy in India with an impeccable American accent. I was told that my DSL and telephone service were on differing billing cycles, with the phone expiring 15 days before the DSL. Phone service can be pro-rated if you cancel before the end of a billing cycle; DSL service cannot. In other words, I have to pay for the full DSL cycle, no matter how much I choose to use.

So, I told the minion of the evil telco, disconnect each when their cycle runs out.

No, I was told by the minion of the evil telco, your DSL will not work without phone service.

If I extend my phone service through the end of the DSL, I have to pay more. But if I cancel my DSL at the same time as the phone, I pay for service I can never use. So, I said, that means, basically, no matter what, I am being screwed out of about $50. How is this fair?

If you choose to look at it that way, I was informed, and left to wonder which other way I could possibly look at it.

So enjoy my $50, SBC, at&t or whatever you call yourselves (and paste all over the Giants ballpark) tomorrow. Parting is sweet, with no sorrow to complicate it. Take the money you've stolen from me and buy a real logo, or actual customer service, or better yet, just fucking choke on it.